I remember, when I misunderstood my ways, and I was left with days staring at this blank page. Not knowing, that it would only be a faze, now that times past I can’t go without a day, that I think back and remember that white blank page, so I write, day after day, to make up, for what I never got to say. And I promise, one day it’ll change, I’ll flip back through my note book and get carried away, writing, about why there is no more blank white page, for my life is no longer a blank white page.
I understand that lately you have given me tests. Though I have not really been the strongest I can be, I want you to know I have not given up and I do not plan too. See, the thing is at one point I really did almost give up. I was going to raise my white flag, say my apology, and walk away from every test you have placed before me. I was going to give up because I was upset, I was going to give up because that’s exactly how I felt. I know my actions are not always the best, but you must understand the struggles you have given me to face. Now I am not saying you’re being to hard on me Lord, I do ask that you see what I feel. I’m sure the reader right now is getting upset with me, thinking in their head “God never gives up on you, and of course he understands your struggles and see what you feel. He is the one who gives you your struggles.” But, dear Lord I ask that you see my true meaning behind this post. That though you have given me many many tests, and I have wanted to walk away many times from it all you have given me the courage to stay. You have understood my feelings which allowed you to test my abilities to remind me of how I do feel. For the reader, they have probably gotten lost in my story due to my way of asking you to understand how I feel yet stating afterwards that you do. For those who do not understand, the Lord is inside my soul. When I lose faith, he rebuilds it. When I want to give up, he shows me every reason I shouldn’t. When I am tough on myself, he guides me through my life and shows me what I’ve gone through and who it has made me today. I have complained more than I should have about the situation I have/am facing. I have indeed not only hurt myself with words but also those who have meant most to me. I have finally taken a moment of silence. I have shut my eyes and taken a deep, deep breath. I have fallen to my knees and prayed to God that he will guide me through my hardships and pain. For you, my Lord have never left my side. And I, your child will never leave yours.
Thank you for another day. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for the laughter you have allowed into my life. Thank you for the joy, for the cries, for the memories I still remember. For accepting me for me when I was unsure of who I was myself. For always being there, through the worst and the best. I thank you for blessing me with what I have now, and I will forever thank you ‘til it is my time to pass. You are the strength within my mind, heart, and soul. You are the faith and hope that is constantly ticking inside my brain. You are the love that runs across my finger tips and words. You are my everything.
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”